who knew...

K-Fed was on Yahoo Personals?

This guy winked at me today...

"I am searching for a down to mars nefertitti. I am still at an age where looks are important. I am a dancer, a chess nerd, and an artist in a few different ways. I am also doing my best to be a dad. my daughter was a beautiful suprize so hopefully you baby daddy haters can give some credit because i chose to take her in anyway, so show some sense! there ARE NOT MANY men who would do that. SO... im looking for rhythym, brains, wit, and spirituality. prefferably afrocentric, but i know i cant have everything. please UNDER 160 lbs. and under 35. I am looking for something geniuine, but i have no problem casually dating. I have so many ideas to give in the name of love to "the one" its overwhelming, so if you like intelligent passion. show me yours, and i WILL show you mine. Im all about balancing a womans actions. and doing a 1up. if your checking me out thank you for your time."

delayed reaction(s)

received a call from this guy yesterday...he wanted to go for a run or walk in mission bay park. but i had to decline as i was up in the O.C. with my mom and nephew....and i'd already run 6 mi that day (yay me!) so i had no interest in further exercise! not sure if i'll follow up with him or not.

received an e-mail the other day from a mutual friend telling me that this guy (see "piece de resistance") was now single and i should plan to attend a meeting in New Mexico we'd all be at...not sure if he has scoop specific to me, but i have a fair amount of travel on the horizon so i'm not sure about adding another trip...though one of my roommates from college lives out that way...

there's another guy...a friend of friends...we've had a flirty text-messaging relationship for a few months, was expecting to see him at a st. patty's day party yesterday but didn't...but he wrote me an (uncharacteristically) sweet message apologizing for not being there with x's and o's.

so who knows, not expecting much out of these connections, but it's at least some diversion for now. as i said here, it's nice to at least have something on the horizon...

~md

mr. vague strikes again, pt 2

i had a great day on wed, and i was all emboldened by the article i posted, so i thought, i'm gonna give Mr. Sat night a call....why not?

here's what i get back later that night:

Got your voice mail message.  Welcome back--
I hope that you had a good trip.

Here is info on an event this
weekend [at a place we visited on our date].
I would like to go, but I have plans to go
to Malibu this weekend.


Hope you have a good visit with your mom.

J

Um, does any know what to make of this?  Is this yet
another lovely case of "I'm just not that into you?"

Is it officially time for me to stop trusting my instincts?

Oy vey.

~J

article

i skimmed this article today, expecting to find something that irked me...but in the end, i think it reflects a nice male perspective on many issues i blog about.

and makes me think that maybe i should e-mail the saturday night guy tomorrow if i don't hear from him...he could be a little scared of rejection too.

see what you think.

from http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/22610/are-women-too-aggressive

With marriage rates dropping faster than ratings for The Apprentice-we're down more than 50 percent since 1970, according to the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, with approximately 100 million singles in the U.S.-it's no wonder that we spend a lot of time thinking, talking and debating the quality of our relationships. In fact, more than 40 percent of both men and women say they spend at least two hours every day thinking about their current or potential relationships. (Scary fact: About 10 percent of us spend more than six hours every day doing so, according to a national Harris Interactive poll.) One reason: Many of these relationships simply aren't panning out, as evidenced by the fact that fewer men and women are getting married. Doesn't matter whose fault it is-men's, women's, or nobody's. We're just simply not making it to this stage of commitment as often as we used to.

Now, you could argue that's a good thing (because, of course, you shouldn't settle in with just anyone), and you could argue that it's a bad thing (because of the decline in the traditional familial infrastructure). But one thing worth thinking about is how our dating and mating rituals have changed over the years-and how that's changed our approach to commitment.

One trend that men have been grappling with: Figuring out their roles in relationships as women have become increasingly financially independent, increasingly sexually liberated, and increasingly determined not to let their biological clocks dictate their relationship status. Before you hurl e-tomatoes in my direction, hear me out: All those things can be good, but some men struggle with understanding the different levels of female aggression-how it may fluctuate at different stages of the relationship, and how it can be a turn-on in some situations and a turn-off in others.

Initially, for example, few things are as attractive to a man as a woman who's unafraid to pursue the guy she's interested in. But as the relationship grows, that same assertiveness can leave a man feeling like he's less in charge of his life than he'd like to be. Men tend to leave a lot of the life details-from social planning to family planning-to the women in their lives. So when a woman has all the power, and she asserts her new role as boss in many realms, it can leave men feeling a little, well, little. Hypocritical on a guy's part? Perhaps, but his feelings can easily change with the tide of relationships. I spoke to dozens of men about the different stages of their relationships, and what behaviors they rank as too aggressive or "just right." But I'd also love to hear your thoughts. When does assertiveness change from a deal-maker to a deal-breaker?

• Relationship Point: The Approach
  Guys' Take: Women Aren't Aggressive Enough
  
  For a long time, men have upheld the role of the hunters. Women? The rejectors. Doesn't matter whether that initial approach happens at a bar, a bookstore, a coffee shop, or at the drive-thru intercom, guys who have spent their lives dreaming up opening lines and innovative approaches feel like decade-old carpets-they're just plain worn down. The ultimate rejuvenator: A woman who's unafraid to hunt the hunter.
  
• Relationship Point: The Link
  Guys' Take: Women Can Be Too Aggressive
  
  When it comes to new relationships, some women can have the same strategy as food marketers: They want to slap labels on everything. Exclusive! Just Dating! Friends Only! 100% Completely Committed! Lots of guys don't mind the status, and they're fine with the natural progression of dating. But guys also hate premature enunciation-a declaration of the label too early in the relationship. Pushing too hard early can quickly turn his excitement about the relationship into an indictment of it.
  
• Relationship Point: The Hook Up
  Guys' Take: Women Aren't Aggressive Enough
  
  Men certainly have long lists when it comes to their bedroom wants: a little more of this, a lot more of that, fat-free whipped cream please. But if there's one thing that men really crave in the bedroom, it's not a certain position, or even a certain act. It's a certain attitude. What many men want when it comes to sex is for women to show a little more assertion, aggression, and initiation. In the aforementioned national survey, only 25 percent of men rate their current partners as an 8 or higher on a 1-10 scale of sexual aggressiveness, while 60 percent of men say that's the level they'd like her to be. Many guys feel that if his mate is confident in the bedroom, he's more likely to stick with her beyond the bedroom walls.
  
• Relationship Point: The Plateau
  Guys' Take: Women Can Be Too Aggressive
  
  Every long-term relationship reaches the point when the routines, the dialogue, the sex, the everything can feel more predictable than a Paula Abdul critique. But that doesn't mean the relationship's bad; it just means it's steady. While 92 percent of men say they want to marry, that doesn't always happen. Why? For one reason, men sometimes feel like, if the relationship is a car trip, they've been kicked out of the driver's seat and thrown in the trunk. Most guys want to have a say in the speed and direction the relationship is going, and the minute they sense that women are grabbing the wheel-as opposed to sharing the driving responsibility-then they feel lost. Case in point: in the survey for Men, Love & Sex, the number-one thing that men said bothered them about their partners was how much they nagged. When a woman applies a lot of pressure on a guy-whether it's to fix his bad habits or convince him to have babies-it simply feels suffocating.
  
  
• Relationship Point: At the Crossroads
  Guys' Take: Women Tend to be Just Right
  
  Some relationships work out perfectly: boy meets, dates, and marries girl. Some relationships work perfectly imperfectly: boy meets, dates, and dumps girl (or is dumped by girl). But lots of relationships fall into the limbo category where neither partner knows whether the relationship elevator is going up or down. In those cases, the woman often forces the man's hand: Are you in, or out? For which, we thank you: Sometimes a guy needs that kick to get him moving-either down the aisle, or down the road.
  

juxtaposition....and instincts

well, on saturday night i had a great date.

on sunday afternoon, i had a horrible date.

it's not normal for me to have two dates in one weekend, but there was finally a breakthrough with the skittish guy from match.com on thursday and we set something up for sunday.

then on friday this interesting-seeming fellow contacted me through yahoo. since i'd canceled my subscription with them, i had to write him back pretty quickly because the next day i would be cut off. so i did, and he wrote to me saturday, mentioning that his plans for that night were still up in the air, i said mine were too and we were both interested in going to the art walk that takes place near my house once a month. (he lives about 20 minutes north near the beach.) so we made a plan, met for dinner, and walked through the galleries and listened to some live music. he was interesting to talk to, a bit cuter than i expected, tall, funny, liberal, intelligent, and very into music as am i. and...he was born in philadelphia and is an eagles fan! when he told me he had completed 100 hours of massage therapy school (though he currently works as an engineer), i was like, where do i sign?!? ; ) a few years older than me, never married, no kids. after a really enjoyable evening (we spent over 3 hours together which is long for a first date), he walked me to my car. i mentioned that i was glad things worked out for us to meet that night and he agreed. we hugged and he kissed me on the cheek. we kind of stumbled over the "next steps," both saying we would like to see each other again. i offered that maybe we could get together sometime after i returned from a two-day work trip, he said that sounded good, and i said "give me a call next week then." i leaned in for another hug, pulled back a bit, and we gave each other a gentle peck on the lips, followed by yet another hug -- certainly the chemistry seemed to be there! he said goodbye and i drove away feeling happy the date had gone well but sad that it was over. (though happy that it ended the way it did, innocently.)

fast forward to sunday afternoon. i'm pretty tired from a long week and my increased physical activity of late, plus we sprang forward an hour. i debated cancelling, but didn't want to be rude to do so on such short notice...and in some superstitious area of my mind feared upsetting the gods of dating karma, so i followed through. met this fellow at a cafe in my old neighborhood with a plan to walk through balboa park. it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day. i could pretty much tell when we first saw each other that there was no click and i found him less attractive than i expected. he was also my height, and had made some offhanded comment about not realizing how tall i was until we were planning to meet. we are less than 5 minutes into a walk that ends up taking about an hour and this exchange ensues:

me: "you are part of that track club. the group i'm training for this half marathon with is going to do a run with your group sometime this spring."
him: "yeah, i think we did that last year, a 20 mile run."
me: "well since i'm only training for the half, i doubt i'll be doing a 20 mile run anytime soon. 13.1 sounds better to me than 26.2 at this point, even though the training is going well so far."
him: "well, you certainly weren't built to run 26 miles."
me: (startled) "wow, um, i'm trying pretty hard not to be offended by that statement."
him: "well, you know, some people are built to run, and some people are built for other things."

?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF? what a freakin' jerk!

now, i know i tend more toward "curvy" than "athletic and toned" though i consider myself a nice mix of both of those body types, and depending on my level of physical activity, i tend to move between the two. i've been running 3-4 days a week now for 6 weeks, so i feel good about the fact that i'm moving toward the "athletic and toned" side of my particular continuum. and one thing i've learned through team in training is that marathoners and half marathoners come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and if i signed up for the full instead of the half and i followed the program, i could do it! but at this point in my life, 13.1 feels right to me.

in the end, who cares about this guy. but it is frustrating when you talk with someone over e-mail, and then the phone, and then meet in person to find your instincts were pretty far off. (he continued to make a bunch of really negative statements during our over-long walk -- i was ready to smack him by the time we got back to where our cars were parked.)

and then to feel like my instincts were so on about the other person...haven't yet heard from him but i just got back in town this evening. i know i'm impatient, but i feel like i just want to know whether or not my instincts were right that he felt our date was actually pretty special and if we'll meet again or not so i can just let it go. perhaps if i don't hear from him i'll send a short e-mail. we shall see. it seems like with spring on its way, things are picking up in the online dating world so who knows what lies ahead.

but there is nothing like an awful date the day after a good date to make you realize the difference between the two. let's just hope that this world of dating isn't so convoluted that i end up learning not to trust my instincts anymore. to me, that would be sad, because they've served me so well in my life thus far...

~md

since when did...

...wanting to talk to someone on the phone become "forward?"

this has happened to me more than once in the past few weeks, where someone writes to me, whether on a personals website or, in one case, on myspace. i propose that we talk on the phone, as i have a theory that our e-mail persona is one thing, a phone persona is another thing (closer to the actual), and the in-person is of course the real deal -- and they balk at the suggestion of talking on the phone. one person even wrote "I'll give you a call," but since I hadn't given him my number, I sent it to him, and when we met in person he said "do you always give your phone number out to guys you meet online?" i had to look back at our e-mails to realize that my response should have been, "well how the hell did you expect to call me if I didn't give it to you?!?" and then i've been e-mailing with another person and i proposed that we talk on the phone and he balked and now we're trapped in a conversation spiral that keeps bouncing back and forth between running and work. and then there is another person who, after a few e-mails were exchanged, asked my for my number, i sent it to him, and he did has yet to e-mail back or call (it's been a week). so random! perhaps i need to improve my quality control, but i seem to be getting the sense that there is a new set of "rules" governing when you e-mail versus when you switch to phone to when you meet in person. i think it's all kind of crap because the only way you are going to know whether there is any click is by meeting in person. maybe you can screen some people out by e-mail or phone conversations, but i'm not sure that's the best way to make judgments. i don't know....i guess in the end it all comes back to the fact that someone who is really a good fit for me probably won't be intimidated by the idea of talking to me on the phone.

oy vey.

~md

more yahoo headlines...

haven't done this in a while, but spotted a few winners today...

straight from the yahoo personals:

“lonely guy needs a lonely gal or two”

“darrel_ (hot)”

“Am Seeking For A True Love”

“I got nothing”

“Help me, help you...”

“Ladies, I enjoyed The Notebook”

“Hello Every one”

“WHY NOT ME ??”

“Something subtle for the Ladies!”

“I DIVE DOWN ... Wanna be my ocean?”

“funny but not funny looking”

“like milfs”

“Buff nerd here....”

“Lest's start from the begining.”

“fun with wood”

“Teddy Bear Needs Diving Pal to Fly Kite”

“happiness=old woman falling off a donkey”