expiration dating?

well, i apologize if this is new news to you, dear reader, but i am headed for greener, colder, humider pastures. yes, it's true, the MD is packing up and heading to the midwest to try her hand at a challenging new job opportunity and to swim in some new dating waters. i'm very excited about this...stay tuned.

in the meantime, i had my second date with my new 50 year old friend last night. and let me tell you, it was a good date. it is so fun to spend time with a man who is intelligent, knowledgeable about politics and the world around us, and who appreciates good food and wine. i'm still aware of our age/generational differences (last night's big word was "heavy," as in "that was a heavy time, man..." ; ) but i really enjoyed myself and felt my attraction to him growing. he was very sweet, out of nowhere he says "I'm not sure about this 'you leaving' thing." it was cute and made me smile.

so we talked about getting together again, and i find myself thinking about him today and realizing i kind of like him...but then i think, what am i doing? i'm out of here in about 3 months. when i was preparing to leave philly for CA almost 10 years ago (!!!), i had the (mis?) fortune of falling crazy in love with a jazz guitarist...that didn't end well. (he said we should stay together and then promptly dumped me once i reached my new home...he was married and a father within 18 months.) not that i think i'm on the path to falling madly in love, but it does feel a little risky to start spending time with someone new now. but i also like the idea of having someone to talk to and have a meal with while i'm dealing with this somewhat challenging phase of my life. and i've been completely honest with him, of course -- he knows my plans.

i think people come into our lives at certain times for a reason, so i don't feel like i should pre-emptively strike this person from my life because i'm headed in a different direction...i think we could be friends, companions, perhaps even romantic partners for the time being and who knows what the future holds for either of us. as long as it doesn't distract me from getting my house and life in order to relocate or pull me away from spending quality time with the people here i love, maybe it will just be OK. a little bob never hurt, right? : )

more soon,

~md

mind the gap

ever been in the london tube? that phrase is everywhere...


no, in this case, i'm talking about the generation gap.

while i think it can be crossed, sometimes it's a yawning chasm that makes you think: um, no.

i finally met bob the builder. i found him attractive, for sure...though the lines in his face certainly showed his age. in a handsome way, but also in a way that made it difficult for me not to fixate a bit on his age.

as a former 60's radical conscientious objector type, he referenced presidents and events that made me have thoughts like "was i born yet?" and "wow, was i in middle school when your marriage broke up?" -- kind of uncomfortable.

but the conversation was good and i would meet for a second date...maybe having met him once i'd be a little less fixated on the age difference.

which is interesting, because the last significant relationship i was in was with someone only 3 years younger than bob the builder. yet with him i didn't feel the gap -- we liked the same music, the same food, followed current events in similar ways...the age difference didn't really come up for us. he was smart, beautiful, active, and fun when not put out by his unmanaged clinical depression (see the problem?). and it didn't feel like he was trying to be or act younger than his age...i don't think bob was either, but his age just felt older to me.

i was also thinking about the generation gap from the perspective of immediacy/instant gratification. i have a phone on which i can check my email 100 times a day (and sadly, i fear i'm heading in that direction...must.stop.obsessively.checking.email!!). the generation of which i'm a part saw communication move from "regular" to "instantaneous." so while i know part of it is just me and my personality, i wonder if my impatience in the world of dating is partly related to the very immediate culture of which i'm a part. (bob the builder doesn't have a cell phone, and i'm sure my face registered shock when he told me that.) i'll need to think about this some more...i know i need to keep working on my patience issues but maybe i'm not totally at fault for them, perhaps part of it is cultural/generational...or maybe i'm just rationalizing...

or maybe it's because i've actually experienced love at first sight (or something very close to that), so i know that can happen and maybe i continue to confuse that feeling with "rightness," so that if i don't get that immediate jolt when i meet someone i interpret that to mean they aren't "the one" which sounds like an unrealistic expectation as well as a rush to judgment when i really think about it.

something else to think about as i head to sleep...

goodnight. ~ md