(slightly) painful irony

well, i had my third date with b. a couple of weeks back...it was actually quite wonderful. a nice dinner at a place i'd been wanting to try, a glass of wine back at my place, great conversation with a few awkward silences (is he going to lean in for a kiss?)...all in all a great third date. when he was leaving, he gave me a hug and turned toward the door, and i (somewhat boldly) turned him around and planted one on him. it was important to me to see if the physical chemistry i'd been sensing was indeed there and was it ever. i was a little surprised, frankly, at how strongly we connected with that kiss. he stepped back and looked at me and said "my defenses are telling me no, don't do this, she's leaving," and i said i understood and i felt the same way but we both acknowledged how much we like spending time with each other. so we sort of left it at that and i headed out of town for about a week. we were supposed to meet up when i got back, but then he canceled and then i canceled and i haven't seen him since. we've had a few brief phone conversations but that's been it. basically, i think we were about to turn a corner and now that we haven't, i don't think we will. it's probably OK but it sucks a little bit...i finally meet someone in san diego that i want to have a third and fourth date with but our connection gets nipped in the bud because i'm leaving. ah well.

and i think i'm a little bummed because it feels like he has decided not to pursue this anymore but I kind of wish he could tell me that...instead he's not really returning my calls and sending short emails instead a few days later. to the point:

"First and foremost - don't feel like you are stalking me - I don't consider you that sort of person, besides I appreciate your calls. I've just been absorbed in stuff and I know your schedule has been and will most likely continue to be busier than usual as July gets closer. I will get in touch with you as soon as I see a likely chance to do something..."

of course, this all makes sense and no one is doing anything wrong here. i guess i'm just a little sad because i may be left to wonder what might have been if i made different choices. but at the same time i feel good about my choices and i think chicago will present a lot of great new opportunities for me, personally and professionally.

i just have a minor heart-slash-ego bruise to tend to and i know it will go away soon.

~md