A.D.D.

In this case, ADD = Another Dating Disaster (thanks, Carrie Bradshaw, for that...)

Here's one for you.

Guy writes to me on Yahoo. His headline: “Intelligent man seeks brilliant woman!” 39, 6'4", degrees in physics and engineering from a reputable state school, interested in meeting someone "who is caring, very intelligent, and funny," and who says he believes that "you really need to meet someone in person -- I don't believe profiles really tell you that much."

We exchange a few promising-seeming emails, he sends his #, I call and leave a message. Later that same evening he texts me. Odd, but OK I guess. Here is the conversation:

Him: Are you free for drinks this week?
Me: Sure...Tues or Thurs...how does your week look?
Him: How about Thursday? Promise to wear a sexy outfit for when we meet?
Me: (becoming a little concerned) We'll see...gotta leave some things for the imagination. Will you call with a plan at some point, Mr. Engineer?
Him: Only if you wear a short skirt...please?
Me: Do you talk to all the girls this way? Even before you've met them?
Him: No, you are just turning me on with your sexy texts.
Me (thinking, "huh?") : Well, I've never set up a first date via text, that's for sure! : )
Him: I must turn you on in a very texty sort of way I would presume.
Me: Perhaps, but I'd rather talk to you.
Him: What are your dimensions?
Me: (perplexed to say the least) Are you looking for a date...or something else altogether?
Him: All of the above!
Me: Just wanted to check. I appreciate your enthusiasm about the physical aspect, but I also really liked that you said you were smart and that you were looking for someone smart.
Him: You never told me your dimensions...
Him: A, B, C or D cup?
Me: These questions are creeping me out a little. It's my belief that you should meet in person and see if there is chemistry. I'm not trying to hide anything, I just don't feel comfortable discussing my body with a complete stranger!

No response...probably ever...and I'm thinking that's OK.

So much for trying to focus on "intelligent" guys...

~md

"gone cold"

no, i'm not talking about the weather in the midwest...yet! : )

i'm talking about an online dating phenomenon that comes with the territory, it seems, but still drives me crazy.

why do online connections go cold?

two cases in point (ironically, BOTH educators, BOTH in bands...aaarrgghh...)

case one: guy emails me, i write back a few days later, he writes back, we decide to meet, i tell him my availability, he tells me his, we decide to shoot for the following week, i send my availability, never hear back from him.

case two: a guy expresses his interest in me via chemistry.com (which is really like a more open-minded version of eHarmony). i follow their process (send questions, answers, etc.), he sends his replies pretty quickly (about a day after mine), we get to the open-ended emailing part, haven't heard from him in about a week.

there is an unpredictability about online dating, and i think the fact that there is no "social fabric" connecting you to someone you randomly meet online all but encourages this type of behavior. but i find it frustrating...there's no explanation and people seem to feel no particular inclination to tell you what's going on.

i guess it can just serve as a reminder to me to continue being honest with people if i'm going to go cold on them, as i am of the opinion that just as my ego is strong enough to take a little rejection (e.g., "i had a date with someone i'm interested in pursuing," or "i've gotten really busy and don't have time for this right now," whatever) so is the ego of anyone i correspond with online.

i think i've gotten better about "pacing" my responses (waiting a day or two, even if i'm excited) and censoring myself (not revealing too much too soon or showing my enthusiasm) but somehow that doesn't seem to change things all that much.

well, to anyone one who thinks that online dating has made things so much easier for single people, i say think again...but i'll keep trying.

~md

shocking? really?

Latest Bachelor Returns to, Well, Bachelorhood
By Natalie Finn Thu Jul 24, 1:46 PM PDT

We...are...shocked!

Former Bachelor Matt Grant and the recipient of his most important rose, actress Shayne Lamas, have broken off their engagement after publicly pretending that they were meant to be for two whole months, People reports.

"We tried hard to make it work but we realized that we were both heading in different directions," the duo said in a statement. "We truly care about each other and will remain close friends."

Just so long as they don't have to spend any time with each other, apparently.

The pair had been plagued by reports of trouble in paradise ever since Grant chose Lamas over Chelsea Wanstrath on the season finale of The Bachelor's 12th season, but each continued to deny that the fact that they were no longer living together or that they were never seen in the same place meant that they weren't still planning to tie the knot.

"This stuff makes us stronger," Grant, 27, said last month.

No word yet on whether Lamas, 22, returned the 2.85-carat sparkler her British beau used to seal the deal in May.

Anyway, that makes 10 out of 11 Bachelors (not including the not-ready-for-a-relationship Brad Womack) who have opted out of the matches they made during their stints on the ABC series.

****
Had to post that for anyone who sat through the vomitous finale of last season or was subjected to the fake-love BS these two displayed at the last "after the final rose." DeAnna and Jesse may be kind of a weird match, but at least they seem genuine. Oy vey!

two things...

One: I now know the most popular Chicago pick up line...the first time I heard it, I thought it was original, but hearing it again tonight, I see that it may be commonplace:

"There she is!"

Amazingly effective, at least the first time around. Makes you feel kinda special, noticed, possibly confused with someone famous, whatever! It makes you turn around (way more than a whistle or catcall ever would). But I wised up tonight and said no thanks. Forewarned is forearmed!

Two: Boys are dumb everywhere. In this case, it's the special ed teacher/in a band guy...we traded a bunch of nice emails, he asked about my availability this week (in the middle of last week), I said Wednesday was good, haven't heard from him and it's now 11pm Tuesday. Ah well.

Goodnight! ~md

a baker's dozen in chicago

well, i am here! i've landed in my new home city of chicago and i'm feeling relatively settled in. my apartment is great, the neighborhood is fun but not too crazy, and work is off to a good start. i got a little wiped out this week i think just due to overstimulation and exhaustion with the move itself, all the changes, and adjusting to an entirely new place, climate, schedule, etc. so i'm trying to take it easy this weekend to allow myself some recovery time.

it feels great to be in a big city again and i'm really enjoying spending time with my friends here who have been super-helpful and welcoming (thanks in particular AB, JS, AH, NW). as you may have gathered, dear readers, one of the reasons for this change was a hope that a new city might provide new opportunities in the dating realm. specifically, i hoped that my stock (which i felt was somewhat undervalued in SD) would rise here in chicago. well, i wouldn't call it scientific proof exactly, but i will say that i'm already planning a date with a guy who (get this those of you who know me!) is tall, slender, brown-haired, in a band and also a teacher. ; ) could be fun!

wait, there's more. as i was trolling around the internet last night (mellow weekend as i mentioned), i thought it's probably silly that i'm on multiple online dating sites, i should probably focus. chemistry did nothing for me in san diego, so i logged on and thought about cancelling it, but then i realized i'd just paid up for 3 months. so i decided to change my location from SD to chicago and just see what happens. when i woke up this morning (not early, mind you) there were 6 new messages from fellows who had indicated an interest in my profile. when i came back from running errands, there were 7 more. (thus the post title, get it?) i think that is more interest than my chemistry profile saw in 8 months in san diego. now, i know this is a bigger city with more people, yadda yadda, but still, i consider that a quantum leap.

so i know there are no guarantees that this change will lead to an improved love life, but i gotta tell you, it's looking pretty promising so far. i went on a little jog earlier in the week and the song "new kid in town" by the eagles came into my head. i guess it's kinda fun being the new kid in town right now. i'll let y'all know if anything pans out with the musician/teacher or any of the chemistry suitors....

cheers, j