juxtaposition....and instincts
well, on saturday night i had a great date.
on sunday afternoon, i had a horrible date.
it's not normal for me to have two dates in one weekend, but there was finally a breakthrough with the skittish guy from match.com on thursday and we set something up for sunday.
then on friday this interesting-seeming fellow contacted me through yahoo. since i'd canceled my subscription with them, i had to write him back pretty quickly because the next day i would be cut off. so i did, and he wrote to me saturday, mentioning that his plans for that night were still up in the air, i said mine were too and we were both interested in going to the art walk that takes place near my house once a month. (he lives about 20 minutes north near the beach.) so we made a plan, met for dinner, and walked through the galleries and listened to some live music. he was interesting to talk to, a bit cuter than i expected, tall, funny, liberal, intelligent, and very into music as am i. and...he was born in philadelphia and is an eagles fan! when he told me he had completed 100 hours of massage therapy school (though he currently works as an engineer), i was like, where do i sign?!? ; ) a few years older than me, never married, no kids. after a really enjoyable evening (we spent over 3 hours together which is long for a first date), he walked me to my car. i mentioned that i was glad things worked out for us to meet that night and he agreed. we hugged and he kissed me on the cheek. we kind of stumbled over the "next steps," both saying we would like to see each other again. i offered that maybe we could get together sometime after i returned from a two-day work trip, he said that sounded good, and i said "give me a call next week then." i leaned in for another hug, pulled back a bit, and we gave each other a gentle peck on the lips, followed by yet another hug -- certainly the chemistry seemed to be there! he said goodbye and i drove away feeling happy the date had gone well but sad that it was over. (though happy that it ended the way it did, innocently.)
fast forward to sunday afternoon. i'm pretty tired from a long week and my increased physical activity of late, plus we sprang forward an hour. i debated cancelling, but didn't want to be rude to do so on such short notice...and in some superstitious area of my mind feared upsetting the gods of dating karma, so i followed through. met this fellow at a cafe in my old neighborhood with a plan to walk through balboa park. it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day. i could pretty much tell when we first saw each other that there was no click and i found him less attractive than i expected. he was also my height, and had made some offhanded comment about not realizing how tall i was until we were planning to meet. we are less than 5 minutes into a walk that ends up taking about an hour and this exchange ensues:
me: "you are part of that track club. the group i'm training for this half marathon with is going to do a run with your group sometime this spring."
him: "yeah, i think we did that last year, a 20 mile run."
me: "well since i'm only training for the half, i doubt i'll be doing a 20 mile run anytime soon. 13.1 sounds better to me than 26.2 at this point, even though the training is going well so far."
him: "well, you certainly weren't built to run 26 miles."
me: (startled) "wow, um, i'm trying pretty hard not to be offended by that statement."
him: "well, you know, some people are built to run, and some people are built for other things."
?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF? what a freakin' jerk!
now, i know i tend more toward "curvy" than "athletic and toned" though i consider myself a nice mix of both of those body types, and depending on my level of physical activity, i tend to move between the two. i've been running 3-4 days a week now for 6 weeks, so i feel good about the fact that i'm moving toward the "athletic and toned" side of my particular continuum. and one thing i've learned through team in training is that marathoners and half marathoners come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and if i signed up for the full instead of the half and i followed the program, i could do it! but at this point in my life, 13.1 feels right to me.
in the end, who cares about this guy. but it is frustrating when you talk with someone over e-mail, and then the phone, and then meet in person to find your instincts were pretty far off. (he continued to make a bunch of really negative statements during our over-long walk -- i was ready to smack him by the time we got back to where our cars were parked.)
and then to feel like my instincts were so on about the other person...haven't yet heard from him but i just got back in town this evening. i know i'm impatient, but i feel like i just want to know whether or not my instincts were right that he felt our date was actually pretty special and if we'll meet again or not so i can just let it go. perhaps if i don't hear from him i'll send a short e-mail. we shall see. it seems like with spring on its way, things are picking up in the online dating world so who knows what lies ahead.
but there is nothing like an awful date the day after a good date to make you realize the difference between the two. let's just hope that this world of dating isn't so convoluted that i end up learning not to trust my instincts anymore. to me, that would be sad, because they've served me so well in my life thus far...
~md
on sunday afternoon, i had a horrible date.
it's not normal for me to have two dates in one weekend, but there was finally a breakthrough with the skittish guy from match.com on thursday and we set something up for sunday.
then on friday this interesting-seeming fellow contacted me through yahoo. since i'd canceled my subscription with them, i had to write him back pretty quickly because the next day i would be cut off. so i did, and he wrote to me saturday, mentioning that his plans for that night were still up in the air, i said mine were too and we were both interested in going to the art walk that takes place near my house once a month. (he lives about 20 minutes north near the beach.) so we made a plan, met for dinner, and walked through the galleries and listened to some live music. he was interesting to talk to, a bit cuter than i expected, tall, funny, liberal, intelligent, and very into music as am i. and...he was born in philadelphia and is an eagles fan! when he told me he had completed 100 hours of massage therapy school (though he currently works as an engineer), i was like, where do i sign?!? ; ) a few years older than me, never married, no kids. after a really enjoyable evening (we spent over 3 hours together which is long for a first date), he walked me to my car. i mentioned that i was glad things worked out for us to meet that night and he agreed. we hugged and he kissed me on the cheek. we kind of stumbled over the "next steps," both saying we would like to see each other again. i offered that maybe we could get together sometime after i returned from a two-day work trip, he said that sounded good, and i said "give me a call next week then." i leaned in for another hug, pulled back a bit, and we gave each other a gentle peck on the lips, followed by yet another hug -- certainly the chemistry seemed to be there! he said goodbye and i drove away feeling happy the date had gone well but sad that it was over. (though happy that it ended the way it did, innocently.)
fast forward to sunday afternoon. i'm pretty tired from a long week and my increased physical activity of late, plus we sprang forward an hour. i debated cancelling, but didn't want to be rude to do so on such short notice...and in some superstitious area of my mind feared upsetting the gods of dating karma, so i followed through. met this fellow at a cafe in my old neighborhood with a plan to walk through balboa park. it was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day. i could pretty much tell when we first saw each other that there was no click and i found him less attractive than i expected. he was also my height, and had made some offhanded comment about not realizing how tall i was until we were planning to meet. we are less than 5 minutes into a walk that ends up taking about an hour and this exchange ensues:
me: "you are part of that track club. the group i'm training for this half marathon with is going to do a run with your group sometime this spring."
him: "yeah, i think we did that last year, a 20 mile run."
me: "well since i'm only training for the half, i doubt i'll be doing a 20 mile run anytime soon. 13.1 sounds better to me than 26.2 at this point, even though the training is going well so far."
him: "well, you certainly weren't built to run 26 miles."
me: (startled) "wow, um, i'm trying pretty hard not to be offended by that statement."
him: "well, you know, some people are built to run, and some people are built for other things."
?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WTF? what a freakin' jerk!
now, i know i tend more toward "curvy" than "athletic and toned" though i consider myself a nice mix of both of those body types, and depending on my level of physical activity, i tend to move between the two. i've been running 3-4 days a week now for 6 weeks, so i feel good about the fact that i'm moving toward the "athletic and toned" side of my particular continuum. and one thing i've learned through team in training is that marathoners and half marathoners come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and if i signed up for the full instead of the half and i followed the program, i could do it! but at this point in my life, 13.1 feels right to me.
in the end, who cares about this guy. but it is frustrating when you talk with someone over e-mail, and then the phone, and then meet in person to find your instincts were pretty far off. (he continued to make a bunch of really negative statements during our over-long walk -- i was ready to smack him by the time we got back to where our cars were parked.)
and then to feel like my instincts were so on about the other person...haven't yet heard from him but i just got back in town this evening. i know i'm impatient, but i feel like i just want to know whether or not my instincts were right that he felt our date was actually pretty special and if we'll meet again or not so i can just let it go. perhaps if i don't hear from him i'll send a short e-mail. we shall see. it seems like with spring on its way, things are picking up in the online dating world so who knows what lies ahead.
but there is nothing like an awful date the day after a good date to make you realize the difference between the two. let's just hope that this world of dating isn't so convoluted that i end up learning not to trust my instincts anymore. to me, that would be sad, because they've served me so well in my life thus far...
~md
posted by j @ 8:18 PM
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