why i'd rather just meet a guy in a bar than online

Now, granted, I'm a glutton for punishment in that I let it go on this long. [C'mon, he's cute, tall, a musician and an educator.] But still, it's just kinda ridiculous. Read from bottom to top for the full effect. ~md

From: Him
To: Me
Date: November 18, 2008

Sorry I didn't get back to you.

I have to be an asshole and cancel.

I have to mix a song tonight for a compilation we're doing. Some label/blog in Ireland.

It's due tomorrow so i have to get it done tonight.

I'm sorry.

From: Me
To: Him
Date: November 15, 2008

cool. i can do anytime after 7p...let me know if you have a place in mind or there are some pretty good ones right here in my neighborhood. cell is ###-#### if that helps.

cheers, j


From: Him
To: Me
Date: November 15, 2008

Tuesday works for me.


From: Me
To: Him
Date: November 12, 2008

Ha ha, you are too funny. Idiot phoenix, cute.

Any chance Tues would work for you?

Let me know. Cheers, J

From: Him
To: Me
Date: November 11, 2008

Yes, like an idiot Phoenix.

OK, how about a day next week? I'll even buy dinner since I've been such a jerk.

What days are you free?

From: Me
To: Him
Date: November 9, 2008

JV rises from the ashes. That's a nice surprise. I would be happy to let you buy me a beer sometime, let me know what nights are good for you. I'm in (neighborhood).

It's cold here now.

Cheers, J

From: Him
To: Me
Date: November 8, 2008

Hey there.

I'm sorry I flaked earlier. I had a bunch of stuff going on and blew off you (and the whole dating thing).

Anyway, I'm sorry. If you're still up for a beer, I'm buying!

Hope all is well.

[note gap in time]

From: Me
To: Him
Date: August 18, 2008

Hey there. I'm back, at least til Thurs. How was the show?

Cheers, J

From: Him
To: Me
Date: August 12, 2008

Hey. Again, sorry. I meant to email you yesterday.

We have practice tonight for our show this weekend.

Are you around at all the rest of the week?

From: Me
To: Him
Date: August 12, 2008

hey there,

i'm guessing tonight is out since i haven't heard from you...let me know.

- j

From: Me
To: Him
Date: August 8, 2008

And I thought I had a lot going on! : )

Look forward to hearing more about your job search as I am just getting my feet wet in education here...so far so good...

I can do Sun or Tues...heading to MI after work Wed for a meeting in Lansing and then a weekend outside Detroit with some family.

Let me know if either of those days might work for you.

-J

From: Him
To: Me
Date: August 7, 2008

Hey there. I'm back safe and sound. Good to see my family, under the circumstances.

Got offered a new job and have an interview on Monday.

Also putting an offer on a condo tomorrow. Been a busy week.

What's your schedule next week? Like to get some dinner?


From: Me
To: Him
Date: July 31, 2008

hey j,

sounds like you have quite a bit going on. i apologize if i seemed at all impatient, i was just a little confused! : ) ok, and looking forward to meeting you, too, i'll admit. ; )

of course, get in touch whenever things mellow out for you. i'm sorry to hear about your loss and i hope the trip to TN goes relatively smoothly.

i'll be here. cheers, j

From: Him
To: Me
Date: July 31, 2008

hey there.

I'm terribly sorry I haven't gotten back to you. things have been a little crazy the last few weeks. traveling, job interview, car window got smashed, etc.

i have to go to memphis today for my great uncle's funeral. he passed away kid of sudden.

I'll email you when I get back early next week if that's ok???


From: Me
To: Him
Date: July 23, 2008

Hey J,

I hope sending my # wasn't forward in some way. Let me know if you'd still be up for a beer at some point.

Cheers, J

From: Me
To: Him
Date: July 16, 2008

Glad you got back safely. Ah, the childhood home...one of my two is no longer in our family's possession but the other is like a time warp of my senior year of high school in the Philly burbs.

Next week sounds good, maybe Wed? Feel free to email me with details or here are the digits: ###-####. I'm in (neighborhood).

Have a great rest of the week and weekend. Cheers, J

From: Him
To: Me
Date: July 15, 2008

Hey there. Back from Iowa. Visit was good, but a bit sad. My mom and step dad are moving to Minnesota tomorrow to be near my sister and nephews. Going to miss my hometown.

I'm busy wed. and thu. night. Maybe we can shoot for next week?

From: Me
To: Him
Date: July 13, 2008

hey there,

hope iowa was fun and that you had as nice weather there as we enjoyed here in the city. everyone told me not to get used to days like today, but i sure enjoyed it.

i like the sound of the band! and a) i'm not just saying that (as i am a bad liar) and b) i'm kinda picky when it comes to new bands! : ) but you already knew your band was good, i just thought i'd add my voice to the chorus. : ) i'd enjoy seeing y'all live. looking forward to shows in and around lollapalooza.

pretty free this week, except friday, so let me know how things look for you.

cheers, j

From: Him
To: Me
Date: July 11, 2008

A beer sounds good. Let me know when you're free. I'm heading to Iowa tomorrow for a little family visit.

My email, if you'd like, is at yahoo. I hate this site's email form.

have a good weekend.

-j

From: Me
To: Him
Date: July 10, 2008

hey j,

glad to hear you are feeling better. i've always wanted to go to brazil. mom arrived on wed night so been busy trying to get settled in to my new apt but she's helping quite a bit.

have not yet checked out the band, but i will!!

partly a new job and partly the desire to live in a big city again (and get out of so cal before my brain truly began to atrophy). i was , and here i'll be . i do enjoy this work very much.

thanks for the welcome, i am enjoing chicago a lot so far. might be fun to meet up for a beer sometime after mom heads out... : )

cheers, j

From: Him
To: Me
Date: July 7, 2008

Hey there.

Weekend was so-so. Got back from Brazil last Wednesday with a head cold. Was sick all weekend but feeling much better.

There are tons of great local bands around. Check out . They're amazing. OK, it's my band, but we don't suck.

Did you move here for work? What do you do?

- J

oh, welcome to Chicago!

From: Me
To: Him
Date: July 6, 2008

hey there j,

well, after driving from san diego to san francisco to portland to spokane to helena to the badlands to st. paul over the last week, i'm happy to say that as of today i am now an official chicago resident. : ) made some progress on the urban ed front in san diego, but i think i've got my work really cut out for me here in chicago! looking forward to it though. i'm curious to hear more about your musical inclinations and suggestions for local bands i should check out.

hope you had a fantastic weekend.

cheers, j

From: Him
To: Me
Date: July 5, 2008

have you figured out how to fix urban education yet? Let me know when you do. I haven't yet.

I'm J**. Check out my profile if you'd like.

cultivating my inner multi-dater

i think i'm in pretty good shape following the kyle debacle. whew.

so now it's onto a new strategy!

following the sage advice from what has become my favorite dating book, the four man plan, i think it's time to try to be a multidater.

me, i've been a serial dater. one at a time, evaluating each individual on his merits, seeing where it goes, focusing on one person at a time. now i think it is time to truly make it a buyer's market. (of course, this is facilitated by the fact that i now live in a city where there there seems to be the possibility of more than one man actually wanting to date me at a time, another proof point that this move was a wise one.)

there are some pretty simple mathematical properties underlying the 4 man plan, but the most important rules are: always go on second dates, because you never know; never sleep with more than one person at a time; and make the guys aware that they are not your only suitor (in a subtle way, such as, "of all the guys I'm dating, you are definitely the funniest").

so far, here are the contenders:

m, a creative director for an ad agency, 42, had a really fun first date last week.
r, "between jobs," recently divorced, great sense of humor, 34, needs to get his act together though.
n, 28, totally cute and nice, has a good job, but i'm not sure the spark is there.
j, my mr. big, 47, lives in san diego though.

there are a few more internet-based potentials out there...we shall see if any of them make the leap from virtual to actual.

so i guess this means i'm officially multi-dating. stay tuned.........


and, as cindy lu says, "Have fun dammit!"

~md