the new math
Interesting turn of events this weekend...
For the second Friday in a row, K. cancelled our plans less than 24 hours in advance only after I reached out to him to find out what was going on! Aaarrrgghhh. Very frustrating. The worst part was that after he bailed (ostensibly due to an injured back) he proposed we get together Saturday and then never called!! There is a small part of me that's worried about him (that naive part of me that gives people the benefit of the doubt when they don't deserve it) but I think he just knows that his second chance is over and he doesn't want to man up and actually face it. I've been given a few different pieces of advice from friends who care about me and they basically reached consensus: I deserve better than this.
It took me a little longer to reach that conclusion myself, but I think I finally have. Perhaps part of the reason he re-entered my life was to show me how I shouldn't be treated, which is in stark contrast to how my other current suitor is treating me.
M. calls. He makes plans. He emails. He is happy to see me. He's communicative. He's smart, funny and very into music and sports (I really appreciate that he's both intelligent and into sports : ). I haven't been feeling the physical connection as strongly with him, but we finally smooched this weekend so that helped to build up the romantic vibe.
After the smooch date, I came home and had a little conversation with myself. About what is important. About what really matters. About what I really want in a relationship and how I deserve to be treated. About priorities. About surface characteristics versus what's inside. I even consulted my 4 man plan book for some advice Cindy Lu style and read what I needed to hear: the most important characteristics in a partner are that he's loving, willing, and honest. Chemistry shmemistry, she says: "I'm not saying chemistry isn't a wonderful thing and ultimately necessary between two lovers. But what isn't common knowledge is that chemistry is not necessarily immediate or continuous...The guys we find instantly attractive are often the worst possible choice for a girl who wants to move away from a life fraught with anxiety, drama, and pain."
So to the title of the blog. If the old math was "he's cute, I get nervous and fluttery around him, there's some part of him that's distant that I want to try to connect with, knowing it's going to be a challenge," the new math is more like "I enjoy seeing him, he is respectful of me and my time, he follows through, I feel calm but happy when I'm with him."
So we shall see, of course it's super early with M. and there are lots of questions left to answer, but so far things seem to be progressing at a slow but steady pace that feels right. Stay tuned...
For the second Friday in a row, K. cancelled our plans less than 24 hours in advance only after I reached out to him to find out what was going on! Aaarrrgghhh. Very frustrating. The worst part was that after he bailed (ostensibly due to an injured back) he proposed we get together Saturday and then never called!! There is a small part of me that's worried about him (that naive part of me that gives people the benefit of the doubt when they don't deserve it) but I think he just knows that his second chance is over and he doesn't want to man up and actually face it. I've been given a few different pieces of advice from friends who care about me and they basically reached consensus: I deserve better than this.
It took me a little longer to reach that conclusion myself, but I think I finally have. Perhaps part of the reason he re-entered my life was to show me how I shouldn't be treated, which is in stark contrast to how my other current suitor is treating me.
M. calls. He makes plans. He emails. He is happy to see me. He's communicative. He's smart, funny and very into music and sports (I really appreciate that he's both intelligent and into sports : ). I haven't been feeling the physical connection as strongly with him, but we finally smooched this weekend so that helped to build up the romantic vibe.
After the smooch date, I came home and had a little conversation with myself. About what is important. About what really matters. About what I really want in a relationship and how I deserve to be treated. About priorities. About surface characteristics versus what's inside. I even consulted my 4 man plan book for some advice Cindy Lu style and read what I needed to hear: the most important characteristics in a partner are that he's loving, willing, and honest. Chemistry shmemistry, she says: "I'm not saying chemistry isn't a wonderful thing and ultimately necessary between two lovers. But what isn't common knowledge is that chemistry is not necessarily immediate or continuous...The guys we find instantly attractive are often the worst possible choice for a girl who wants to move away from a life fraught with anxiety, drama, and pain."
So to the title of the blog. If the old math was "he's cute, I get nervous and fluttery around him, there's some part of him that's distant that I want to try to connect with, knowing it's going to be a challenge," the new math is more like "I enjoy seeing him, he is respectful of me and my time, he follows through, I feel calm but happy when I'm with him."
So we shall see, of course it's super early with M. and there are lots of questions left to answer, but so far things seem to be progressing at a slow but steady pace that feels right. Stay tuned...
posted by j @ 9:28 PM
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