the waiting is the hardest part...

(thanks for that, mr. petty...)

J: 38 y.o., well-educated, CA native who has traveled, Cancer, 6'1," never married/no kids, likes wine, employed...

date of first contact (online personals): 10/8/2006

date of first instant message: 3/21/2007

date of first phone conversation: 3/27/2007

first scheduled first date: 4/2/2007 (cancelled due to work reasons)

second scheduled first date: 4/24/2007 (cancelled due to illness)

third attempt at scheduling first date: TBD...

the level of anticipation in relation to meeting this guy: through the roof!

of course i've had other dates over the past 6 months, but nothing too spectacular. one thing i've learned is to not wait too long before meeting someone, because in-person chemistry is what it all really comes down to in my book. we've just had bad luck...which will either result in monumentally bad luck when we meet (i waited 6 months for this?!?) or perhaps something good....we shall see...

girl time

not too much to report from my world...back at work after a 10 day cross-country voyage. reconnecting with several of my very close girlfriends this spring and it's making me feel very happy and grounded.

funny story (for the ladies): i had my annual girl doctor appointment on tuesday...we should all be keeping up with those and getting our parts checked at least once a year (in addition to our own monitoring at home...ok, end of PSA). my doctor, Alissa, has gone from full-time to half-time so the exam room isn't as nice. she's doing the "fun" part of the exam, and she looks up at the light fixture and says, with a straight face (i kid you not): "I don't like this room, the fluorescent light is just not flattering..." : ) : ) ; ) : )

it was all i could do to not laugh myself right off the table.

in other news...i promised myself i would go on at least two dates before i even think of reconnecting with mr. blast from the past who called me the other week. i had one of those dates and it was "meh." i think i insulted the guy by suggesting that getting out of san diego might do him some good ("i go fishing in minnesota each summer with my dad and uncles," he replied, making me realize that i sounded pretty judgmental...but i also think it showed me how much i value guys with a broader range of life experiences). the second one keeps getting rescheduled due to my travel, his travel and both of our busy jobs but i think we're on for next Tuesday. i'll keep you posted. it's not for lack of interest on either of our parts i don't think...when we talk on the phone, i get kinda giggly and excited and he gets a bit nervous and dry-mouthed, so there is some weird form of chemistry there thus far. but the in person is what really matters, so hopefully we'll meet face to face sometime soon.

off to portland, OR this weekend for more QT with my GF's...can't wait!

cancellations, mixed messages, and blasts from the past

well, the past few weeks have been interesting. i almost had three dates, but in the end, didn't have any.

one guy has kids and ended up keeping them longer than expected due to his ex-wife's travel schedule.

in another case, the guy and i mixed our signals -- i thought we were on for sat eve, he thought we were on for sat afternoon. we agreed to reschedule.

lastly, a seemingly promising candidate and i had a plan to meet on monday after he finished a big presentation...but his presentation went so well they invited him to come back and discuss contract terms, project scope, etc., so he had to cancel.

so now i'm out of town for 10 days (greetings from the nation's capitol, by the way). we'll see if any of those happen when i get back.

at least i'll get to see some friends and colleagues on this trip...and maybe even meet a few new folks, who knows, as i conference-hop from here to chicago before returning to SD. we shall see.

i'm also going to use these 10 days to try not to think about the blast from my past who reappeared out of nowhere about a week ago. someone i've never blogged about. the one i thought was "the one." the one who i have attempted to be in a serious relationship with twice now but who has both times pulled the plug because he wasn't able to "do" it -- commit to it, overcome his issues with depression to really be a part of it, let his guard down enough, feel like he deserved to be loved....whatever. while on the surface it is easy to point to those words and say well, obviously, she's smart enough not to go back....it's hard to forget that feeling of connection with someone that, despite my many attempts at dating, i haven't felt in quite a long time. oy vey. i have good memories and bad memories of our time together, but mostly i remember him handing me a glass of wine and making me dinner on friday nights after i'd had a long week of working and being held by the fire while we watched some indie flick. boy do i miss that.

well it's late here. time to go to sleep. and think about other things. ~md