alone again, naturally

for some strange reason, my dad really liked that song in the 70's. sung by gilbert o'sullivan, a letterman-jacket wearing type of fellow. pretty depressing song but with a poppy tempo and catchy hook. thanks to the interwebs, i see it's about suicide, being left at the altar, heartbreak and death. sweet.

well, though i was never officially "not" alone, i have been spending time with a certain individual off and on for the past few months (see posts hmmmm and it's been a while for backstory)...all seems to have been going well -- we live our lives but hang out about once a week for dinner, maybe a glass of wine, sometimes other good things that flow from nice dinners and wine, all with the shared expectation that this too shall end as we don't want the same things right now. (i'm in the market for a partner, he's not sure he ever wants marriage or kids.) so i felt a bit blindsided when he essentially broke up with me tonight largely due to the fact of meeting someone that he'd rather pursue something with while i was out of town. huh?

maybe tomorrow this will make more sense to me. but my big question is this: if he knew all of this before our last encounter, why didn't he tell me? i'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but i'm not sure he deserves it. and why did it take two awkward conversations for me to pull it out of him instead of him just being honest and upfront with me about it as he has been with every other issue we've discussed over the past three months?

ah well. c'est la vie. good thing i have awesome friends and family to help me think through this stuff and help restore to my face the warm smile i'm known for. am i disappointed, yes, but far from devastated...once again, it's time to move on.

mixed messages...

From eHarmony to me:

Please be aware that in order to match with another eHarmony user, that user must specify 'Other' in their match preferences, or give no preference. While this is a highly personal choice for you, we do recommend that you consider identifying yourself as a specific ethnicity, especially if you find the number of matches you receive is limited.

From me to eHarmony:

I received an internal message from the site regarding my choice of ethnicity as "Other," saying that "we do recommend that you consider identifying yourself as a specific ethnicity, especially if you find the number of matches you receive is limited." I am a member of one of the fastest growing sectors of our population, that is, I am a biracial/interracial/mixed race person. I find it terribly restrictive that eHarmony will not let me choose more than one ethnicity, or if that makes the logarithm too complicated, that there is not an option for interracial/biracial/mixed. I don't think I should have to choose just one if that does not represent me. I know I can't be the only member with this concern.

-j

Ugh. I mean, even Yahoo has a category for interracial. Sheesh.

quick update

well mr. "you never called me!" finally called me on thursday night.

do people still take that "three day rule" seriously?

had a nice conversation. we shall see if there is anything there.

meanwhile, enjoy my ADORABLE nephew. ~md

sometimes...

...something is just so darn funny you have to post it. even if it has nothing to do with dating. so here, my friends, is something for the sole purpose of making you smile...

From McSweeney's:

P O S S I B L E F O L L O W - U P S O N G S
F O R O N E - H I T W O N D E R S .

BY JOHN MOE

- - - -

How Are We Going to Get These Dogs Back In?

Bust an Additional Move

Seriously, Eileen, Come On

(Won't You Give Me a Ride Home From) Funkytown?

Remember When You Lit Up My Life? That Was Great

I Will Now Pass the Dutchie Back to You and Thank You for Passing It to Me Originally Because I Really Enjoyed the Dutchie

The Morning That the Lights Came Back On in Georgia

Everybody Was Kung Fu Making Up

Achier Breakier Heart

Whoomp! There It Continues to Be

867-5309 extension 2

We Never Took It and Persist in Our Refusal to Take It

(is the last one "We're Not Gonna Take It?") - md

things that never happen

ok, this is classic.

so after a rousing game of texas hold 'em with some very good friends on saturday night, i wasn't quite ready for the evening to be over yet. (i'm at the tail end of some much-needed vacation so i wanted to squeeze out as much fun as possible!) i decided to swing by our new favorite spot and see if there were any familiar faces...and of course there were. for better or for worse, it's nice to have a real neighborhood bar (it's like our version of cheers, except instead of Sam we get Leyton!). Anyway, I'm just reppin' PA as I am wont to do lately, and i feel a tap on my shoulder. i look over and see a familar face -- well, a face that was familiar a few weeks ago that i hadn't seen or thought of much since then...i.e., the last thought i had of said individual was "that f*er never called me back. didn't make him for a player. ah well, whatever." he looks me right in the eye and says "You! You! Unbelievable!" and I'm like, "huh?" so in retort, i say, "me?? I called you, just like I said I was going to, left a message for you with my number and you NEVER called me back!" he's all "no you didn't!" so i bust out the cell phone to show him -- here is your name, the number you gave me -- why would i still have it if i had no intention of calling you? he looks at the phone and smiles, a bit sheepishly. "um, that number is off by one digit."

HI-larious. how many times have i wondered, maybe he didn't call because he got hit by a bus/came down with pneumonia/he transposed digits in my phone number? 99% of the time those excuses are just that, excuses. but in this case, that actually happened! so funny. he even called me later that night just to verify that we had exchanged valid digits. who knows if this will lead anywhere, but it certainly makes for a good story.

slight retraction

ok, after spending a few hours last night listening to/being inspired by/ogling this fellow, i'm not sure i'm 100% ready to relinquish my preference for tall, skinny, brown-haired white boys who are artists or musicians. whew. great show pete! and thanks to DT for being an excellent partner in crime (who i think also may have a secret man crush on PY : ).

sage advice

just a quick one.

had a lengthy and much-needed conversation with my best friend (hereafter referred to as BF, and no, that does not mean boyfriend in my personal lexicon) today. she is amazing, brilliant, and wise beyond her years. i was reflecting on an experience in my not-too-distant past with a man my age who was super-intelligent, super-attractive, super-accomplished, and seemed to think i was pretty super. in the end, i may have made some less-than-great decisions in our brief time together, but he showered me with reassurances and promises to keep in contact. (he doesn't live in SD....but he works in my field so it is likely that our paths will cross again.) well, he has not held up his end of the deal at all. maybe i shouldn't have expected him to, but i still tend to give people who pass my bulls*it detector the benefit of the doubt. oh well. so i was reflecting upon/lamenting about said situation, saying, but he seemed so perfect for me...and she said "you know, sometimes the person you think is perfect for you really isn't." she immediately apologized for saying something that sounded overly simplistic, but i think she touched on something really important. we all create these ideas/ideals of the right person for us -- based on things like appearance, height/weight, level of education, desire for marriage/children or past experience with those, family background, race/ethnicity, etc. but perhaps those factors trip us up as often as they help us. maybe they are better thought of as guidelines rather than absolutes. (and believe me, i'm telling myself this as much as i'm telling anyone else!) i think i'm becoming more open-minded in regards to potential mates (i.e., they don't have to be tall, skinny, brown-haired white boys who are either artists/musicians or teachers...) and when i think of my friends who are in relationships most like the one i'd imagine would make me happy, their partners are indeed different from them or what i'd imagine would be their "perfect match" but somehow it still works. in several cases, really well. so that's my bit of wisdom for the day.

there was a spoof of the eHarmony tv ad on saturday night live a while back where the person basically got matched with him/herself but in the opposite gender (if that makes sense...). i think that's a good reminder that we aren't looking for an ideal, nor are we looking for our clone in the opposite gender. rather, someone whose shapes and contours fit with and complement ours, but aren't the mirror image.

p.s., sage is one of my BF's favorite colors. : )