sage advice

just a quick one.

had a lengthy and much-needed conversation with my best friend (hereafter referred to as BF, and no, that does not mean boyfriend in my personal lexicon) today. she is amazing, brilliant, and wise beyond her years. i was reflecting on an experience in my not-too-distant past with a man my age who was super-intelligent, super-attractive, super-accomplished, and seemed to think i was pretty super. in the end, i may have made some less-than-great decisions in our brief time together, but he showered me with reassurances and promises to keep in contact. (he doesn't live in SD....but he works in my field so it is likely that our paths will cross again.) well, he has not held up his end of the deal at all. maybe i shouldn't have expected him to, but i still tend to give people who pass my bulls*it detector the benefit of the doubt. oh well. so i was reflecting upon/lamenting about said situation, saying, but he seemed so perfect for me...and she said "you know, sometimes the person you think is perfect for you really isn't." she immediately apologized for saying something that sounded overly simplistic, but i think she touched on something really important. we all create these ideas/ideals of the right person for us -- based on things like appearance, height/weight, level of education, desire for marriage/children or past experience with those, family background, race/ethnicity, etc. but perhaps those factors trip us up as often as they help us. maybe they are better thought of as guidelines rather than absolutes. (and believe me, i'm telling myself this as much as i'm telling anyone else!) i think i'm becoming more open-minded in regards to potential mates (i.e., they don't have to be tall, skinny, brown-haired white boys who are either artists/musicians or teachers...) and when i think of my friends who are in relationships most like the one i'd imagine would make me happy, their partners are indeed different from them or what i'd imagine would be their "perfect match" but somehow it still works. in several cases, really well. so that's my bit of wisdom for the day.

there was a spoof of the eHarmony tv ad on saturday night live a while back where the person basically got matched with him/herself but in the opposite gender (if that makes sense...). i think that's a good reminder that we aren't looking for an ideal, nor are we looking for our clone in the opposite gender. rather, someone whose shapes and contours fit with and complement ours, but aren't the mirror image.

p.s., sage is one of my BF's favorite colors. : )