"gone cold"

no, i'm not talking about the weather in the midwest...yet! : )

i'm talking about an online dating phenomenon that comes with the territory, it seems, but still drives me crazy.

why do online connections go cold?

two cases in point (ironically, BOTH educators, BOTH in bands...aaarrgghh...)

case one: guy emails me, i write back a few days later, he writes back, we decide to meet, i tell him my availability, he tells me his, we decide to shoot for the following week, i send my availability, never hear back from him.

case two: a guy expresses his interest in me via chemistry.com (which is really like a more open-minded version of eHarmony). i follow their process (send questions, answers, etc.), he sends his replies pretty quickly (about a day after mine), we get to the open-ended emailing part, haven't heard from him in about a week.

there is an unpredictability about online dating, and i think the fact that there is no "social fabric" connecting you to someone you randomly meet online all but encourages this type of behavior. but i find it frustrating...there's no explanation and people seem to feel no particular inclination to tell you what's going on.

i guess it can just serve as a reminder to me to continue being honest with people if i'm going to go cold on them, as i am of the opinion that just as my ego is strong enough to take a little rejection (e.g., "i had a date with someone i'm interested in pursuing," or "i've gotten really busy and don't have time for this right now," whatever) so is the ego of anyone i correspond with online.

i think i've gotten better about "pacing" my responses (waiting a day or two, even if i'm excited) and censoring myself (not revealing too much too soon or showing my enthusiasm) but somehow that doesn't seem to change things all that much.

well, to anyone one who thinks that online dating has made things so much easier for single people, i say think again...but i'll keep trying.

~md