mind the gap

ever been in the london tube? that phrase is everywhere...


no, in this case, i'm talking about the generation gap.

while i think it can be crossed, sometimes it's a yawning chasm that makes you think: um, no.

i finally met bob the builder. i found him attractive, for sure...though the lines in his face certainly showed his age. in a handsome way, but also in a way that made it difficult for me not to fixate a bit on his age.

as a former 60's radical conscientious objector type, he referenced presidents and events that made me have thoughts like "was i born yet?" and "wow, was i in middle school when your marriage broke up?" -- kind of uncomfortable.

but the conversation was good and i would meet for a second date...maybe having met him once i'd be a little less fixated on the age difference.

which is interesting, because the last significant relationship i was in was with someone only 3 years younger than bob the builder. yet with him i didn't feel the gap -- we liked the same music, the same food, followed current events in similar ways...the age difference didn't really come up for us. he was smart, beautiful, active, and fun when not put out by his unmanaged clinical depression (see the problem?). and it didn't feel like he was trying to be or act younger than his age...i don't think bob was either, but his age just felt older to me.

i was also thinking about the generation gap from the perspective of immediacy/instant gratification. i have a phone on which i can check my email 100 times a day (and sadly, i fear i'm heading in that direction...must.stop.obsessively.checking.email!!). the generation of which i'm a part saw communication move from "regular" to "instantaneous." so while i know part of it is just me and my personality, i wonder if my impatience in the world of dating is partly related to the very immediate culture of which i'm a part. (bob the builder doesn't have a cell phone, and i'm sure my face registered shock when he told me that.) i'll need to think about this some more...i know i need to keep working on my patience issues but maybe i'm not totally at fault for them, perhaps part of it is cultural/generational...or maybe i'm just rationalizing...

or maybe it's because i've actually experienced love at first sight (or something very close to that), so i know that can happen and maybe i continue to confuse that feeling with "rightness," so that if i don't get that immediate jolt when i meet someone i interpret that to mean they aren't "the one" which sounds like an unrealistic expectation as well as a rush to judgment when i really think about it.

something else to think about as i head to sleep...

goodnight. ~ md