you give me something to blog about....
there is this great sad song by this canadian chanteuse named mary margaret o'hara called "to cry about," as in "you give me something to cry about," that i first heard on a compliation put together by the folks in everything but the girl. (fun fact -- she's the sister of Catherine O'Hara of Best in Show, etc.) i was going to write a post called "kinda like valentine's day" but the above title and then that song came to mind so i decided to stick with it.
i turned 33 today. that's the valentine's day reference. see, just as i blogged about in mid-Feb, with birthdays i usually will myself not to freak out, fixate on the fact that i'm still single and (insert age here), etc. and it's all good until i let my guard down for five minutes and then i start to feel it. a little sadness mixed with wistfulness mixed with "this isn't exactly what i expected my life to look like at this point in the game" mixed with my best effort at a self-pep-talk (but you have a great life! you have a freakin' PhD! you still get to hook up with random people if you want, unlike my dear friends and family who are legally bound to be physically intimate with only one person!). so that lovely game of ping-pong goes back and forth in my head for a while until i either pummel it into submission with a few beers or go to sleep.
perhaps that is part of the reason why i typically make a big production of the b-day. other than the fact that i think we should all celebrate the day we were brought into this world, i like to surround myself with friends as a reminder of all the great people in my life who love me (and the annual reunion aspect is great too now that our lives are getting more complicated and geographically spread out). thankfully, this year was no different -- i really appreciate my friends who shared the experience of surfing lessons with me this weekend! that fulfilled a "i have to do this at least once in my life" kind of feeling and was really fun at the same time.
so tonight a friend (the individual referenced in the 5/25 and 6/27 posts) is taking me to dinner. nice that a great guy is taking me out to dinner on my birthday; unfortunate that said great guy is not on the same page with me in terms of what he wants in his life.
as i keep telling myself, remain optimistic, you never know what (or who) lies around the corner...i just hope it doesn't take him another whole year to get here. ; )
i turned 33 today. that's the valentine's day reference. see, just as i blogged about in mid-Feb, with birthdays i usually will myself not to freak out, fixate on the fact that i'm still single and (insert age here), etc. and it's all good until i let my guard down for five minutes and then i start to feel it. a little sadness mixed with wistfulness mixed with "this isn't exactly what i expected my life to look like at this point in the game" mixed with my best effort at a self-pep-talk (but you have a great life! you have a freakin' PhD! you still get to hook up with random people if you want, unlike my dear friends and family who are legally bound to be physically intimate with only one person!). so that lovely game of ping-pong goes back and forth in my head for a while until i either pummel it into submission with a few beers or go to sleep.
perhaps that is part of the reason why i typically make a big production of the b-day. other than the fact that i think we should all celebrate the day we were brought into this world, i like to surround myself with friends as a reminder of all the great people in my life who love me (and the annual reunion aspect is great too now that our lives are getting more complicated and geographically spread out). thankfully, this year was no different -- i really appreciate my friends who shared the experience of surfing lessons with me this weekend! that fulfilled a "i have to do this at least once in my life" kind of feeling and was really fun at the same time.
so tonight a friend (the individual referenced in the 5/25 and 6/27 posts) is taking me to dinner. nice that a great guy is taking me out to dinner on my birthday; unfortunate that said great guy is not on the same page with me in terms of what he wants in his life.
as i keep telling myself, remain optimistic, you never know what (or who) lies around the corner...i just hope it doesn't take him another whole year to get here. ; )
posted by j @ 5:22 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:52 AM,
Jonna* said…
My love... the hardest lesson that I am still trying to learn is to find happiness within yourself.
Running, music, reading, oenophiling...
Try not to put timelines on things such as relationships, babies... etc. It will only frustrate you in the end and/ or make you settle for whomever it is that currently is hogging your dance card. (i.e. jackass and jackass #2).
This has NOTHING to do with our conversation last night but as I was complaining about my solo status to my friend JP in Chicago he said... "God is out there making someone perfect for you".
Take faith in that when you find him you will be like.. "Oh yeah, all those other dudes were SO a waste of my time"
Plus... you will always have JS and I... Despite the restraining orders.
At 2:13 PM,
j said…
hmmm...interesting reaction. i think i'm actually really good at being happy and seeking to live a really fulfilling life. i'm not necessarily bound to timelines either, though the unfortunate realities of fertility are certainly out there. i generally think of myself as a pretty optimistic person and also someone who is able to come up with a plan B (adopt? start a commune with other friends in a similar sitch?) so that i won't live a life of "what if?" in any case, though, i thank you for your friendship and the positive thoughts on my behalf. and i think we'd all do well to take your advice about being OK with yourself being the best starting point for all of this...
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