cross-referencing
there has been some rather interesting cross-referencing...or shall i say "cross-blogging" lately. what, with DT's ode to women in their 30's (loved it!), fellow blogger tortaluga's highly relevant musings on dating guys who are in their 30's and MS's self-revealing posts and comments (look for the zombie squirrel), i suppose we're all in the same boat, though some of us are more like the coxswain up front calling the shots, and others of us feel like we are toward the back, having dropped our oar in the water, saying "what the hell am i supposed to do now?"
one time i joked to my good friend JS that we are like a controlled experiment in dating -- we're about the same age, have similar interests, similar backgrounds, etc. whereas i've been known to take a more "proactive" approach to dating, she has taken a somewhat passive approach. well, from the looks of it, she is faring better than me at all of this. perhaps i should rethink my strategy...
but the whole point of this post is to show that as i navigatated from blog to blog, i came across a passage from the very lucky, very sweet man who is currently making my friend smile. and it somehow perfectly addressed the flurry of blogging that i referenced above....without even trying.
not that there is any "recipe"...but it sounds to me like for us thirty-somethings to actually find happiness with each other takes equal parts wanting the same things, getting over our fears, feeling the chemistry, and some plain old good luck. it can't be forced if one of those key elements isn't there, and it sucks if two or three of them are there but the other one or two aren't. if you really like someone, it's probably worth sticking around for a little while to see if the other elements materialize, but i've learned from experience that change doesn't come easily, so at some point you need to just cut ties and move on. i think i'm about to get movin' again, but in the meantime, behold the sweet words of someone who seems to have figured this stuff out (edited slightly to protect the innocent):
"now, every now and then i'll get a little nervous around [her], probably because it's been a while since i've dated anyone more than a month and i half expect me to get bored and say, 'see ya'. but i don't feel that with [her]. with her i don't have those feelings of boredom. i look forward to the days that i see her, and on the days that i don't see her i look forward to night time, when we'll talk on the phone, usually for an hour or so. with her i've never felt like i've had to be more than me. i don't feel any pressure of any sort. i don't have the desire to stop seeing her, you know, before things get serious. running, fleeing; it's a feeling i've had in the past, and maybe it's because i wasn't dating the right person, or maybe it's because i don't have the best dating track record, or maybe it's just because i have a Y chromosome, but with [her], those feelings aren't there....after thinking for quite a bit, i think i may have grown up and i realize i have a good thing with her. and things are good. we have inside jokes. we talk a lot, and there isn't any pressure to find stuff to talk about. we laugh at each other. we have good chemistry."
good luck, you guys. xo, j
one time i joked to my good friend JS that we are like a controlled experiment in dating -- we're about the same age, have similar interests, similar backgrounds, etc. whereas i've been known to take a more "proactive" approach to dating, she has taken a somewhat passive approach. well, from the looks of it, she is faring better than me at all of this. perhaps i should rethink my strategy...
but the whole point of this post is to show that as i navigatated from blog to blog, i came across a passage from the very lucky, very sweet man who is currently making my friend smile. and it somehow perfectly addressed the flurry of blogging that i referenced above....without even trying.
not that there is any "recipe"...but it sounds to me like for us thirty-somethings to actually find happiness with each other takes equal parts wanting the same things, getting over our fears, feeling the chemistry, and some plain old good luck. it can't be forced if one of those key elements isn't there, and it sucks if two or three of them are there but the other one or two aren't. if you really like someone, it's probably worth sticking around for a little while to see if the other elements materialize, but i've learned from experience that change doesn't come easily, so at some point you need to just cut ties and move on. i think i'm about to get movin' again, but in the meantime, behold the sweet words of someone who seems to have figured this stuff out (edited slightly to protect the innocent):
"now, every now and then i'll get a little nervous around [her], probably because it's been a while since i've dated anyone more than a month and i half expect me to get bored and say, 'see ya'. but i don't feel that with [her]. with her i don't have those feelings of boredom. i look forward to the days that i see her, and on the days that i don't see her i look forward to night time, when we'll talk on the phone, usually for an hour or so. with her i've never felt like i've had to be more than me. i don't feel any pressure of any sort. i don't have the desire to stop seeing her, you know, before things get serious. running, fleeing; it's a feeling i've had in the past, and maybe it's because i wasn't dating the right person, or maybe it's because i don't have the best dating track record, or maybe it's just because i have a Y chromosome, but with [her], those feelings aren't there....after thinking for quite a bit, i think i may have grown up and i realize i have a good thing with her. and things are good. we have inside jokes. we talk a lot, and there isn't any pressure to find stuff to talk about. we laugh at each other. we have good chemistry."
good luck, you guys. xo, j
posted by j @ 11:13 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home