the pre-emptive dump
no, not that kind of dump (that's for you, bro, if you are reading! ; )
this is a different thing with which I became well-acquainted when I lived in SF. you have a first date and it goes really well, maybe a fun dinner out, a drink or two, and a leave-you-both-wanting-more goodnight kiss kind of night. and then you don't hear from that person. or like this fool from monday that i wrote about -- first date goes well, second date bombs. i was reflecting on that and it finally dawned on me -- that was a pre-emptive dump! now, of course i don't know for sure, but it has the signs.
let's face it, lots of guys are pretty intimidated by women. could be for a number of reasons -- intellect, attractiveness, height, income -- whatever. between my personal experiences and those friends have shared with me, there seems to be a phenomenon where guys will say, "she's going to figure out that i am not worthy, so i should just end this before it starts." now mind you, one would be foolish and probably cocky to assume that every bad second date or lack of follow up should be chalked up to the pre-emptive dump. however, it does happen. and i think it happened to me this week. anyone else had an experience like that? the good thing about the pre-emptive dump is that if the guy is that weak you don't want him anyway. or, put a bit differently, as mom told me and i've learned is true more than once: "if a man tells you that he's not good enough for you, believe him."
MD out.
this is a different thing with which I became well-acquainted when I lived in SF. you have a first date and it goes really well, maybe a fun dinner out, a drink or two, and a leave-you-both-wanting-more goodnight kiss kind of night. and then you don't hear from that person. or like this fool from monday that i wrote about -- first date goes well, second date bombs. i was reflecting on that and it finally dawned on me -- that was a pre-emptive dump! now, of course i don't know for sure, but it has the signs.
let's face it, lots of guys are pretty intimidated by women. could be for a number of reasons -- intellect, attractiveness, height, income -- whatever. between my personal experiences and those friends have shared with me, there seems to be a phenomenon where guys will say, "she's going to figure out that i am not worthy, so i should just end this before it starts." now mind you, one would be foolish and probably cocky to assume that every bad second date or lack of follow up should be chalked up to the pre-emptive dump. however, it does happen. and i think it happened to me this week. anyone else had an experience like that? the good thing about the pre-emptive dump is that if the guy is that weak you don't want him anyway. or, put a bit differently, as mom told me and i've learned is true more than once: "if a man tells you that he's not good enough for you, believe him."
MD out.
posted by j @ 11:47 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:41 AM,
A Room to Grow said…
i think you are totally right. for a while, i was dating all of these guys who really weren't my "type" (these guys were more blue collar, professional "students", musical types, etc) and couldn't get why they wouldn't call me back after a good first date. and then i realized that they were doing me a favor, that in the long run it really wasn't going to work out... (i think it was easier for me to approach these types of guys, then the type that i could actually have a relationship with) in one of those dating books (popular a couple of years ago) it also discusses that a guy needs to feel like a "man" so us "independent" women need to back off a bit, and let them be nice to us. i think that works to.
Post a Comment
<< Home